Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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