You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
