bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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