he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I lost the right to judge tonight
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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