I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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