Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
