I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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