idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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