Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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