Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
