I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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