When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
