So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
