My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
