She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
its liver damage thursday
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
