Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
