you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
