So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
