Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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