jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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