He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
