I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
