I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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