ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
