this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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