my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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