i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
