I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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