Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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