I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
