My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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