I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
