Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
