I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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