Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize