Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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