there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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