i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
