I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
