I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
