like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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