I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
