just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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