apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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