So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
