hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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