the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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