paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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