I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
