And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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