Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize