Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
