i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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