cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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