Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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