arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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