hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he thought i was a dude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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