Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
