we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
