i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
