break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
